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Thursday, January 17, 2008

Bringing down the house...

I had an interesting conversation earlier this week with a small group of writers that I'd met at the I CAN Pitch event late last year. We were hanging out at the Rivoli having a great time and chatting about Film, TV and - in particular - Comedy.

As we talked about things like 'what it takes to be a Comedian', something began to dawn on me that didn't really hit home until today: When I was younger, I was funny. And I don't mean like 'he tells cute fart jokes' kind of funny, I used to be able to keep a room of strangers in stitches. I was known as the 'Funny' kid - which was in direct contrast to what was really going on in my life at that time; In truth I was going through some of the most tumultuous and painful times of my life. Since then I've looked back on things, reflected, and realized how Comedy became my coping mechanism. I made people feel better and in turn I felt better - Inside I was a mess, but as long as I could make someone else laugh, that pain was abated.

I'm not funny anymore.

I mean, I can be witty sometimes, I can make a close group of friends laugh but it's not the same. In essence, since my life stabilized, since I came to terms with my past it seems like I no longer "need" those coping mechanisms and therefore they've gone away.

From that stability it seems things have swung to a different end of the spectrum - I find myself writing Horror and Dark Fantasy and Sci-Fi, things that I know I never would've had the courage to explore in my youth. I'm wading deep into things that are decidedly not funny and until recently it's been weirding me out.

I've found that my writing has been tinted as of late, evolving into these themes of fighting back against our demons, our own internal darkness. There's an earnestness about it that gives me the willies even as I write it, a palpable frustration with the state of things.

And I've been fighting it so hard, I'm not quite sure why. I've been holding the door shut, trying to be 'funny' and then wondering why it kept reading false. I've kind of realised that I'm not quite in the right mindset to be 'funny' right now and that I should roll with it, fling the door wide and shine a flickering light on that blobby dark-patch in my mind.

Something inside me is fighting to get out and I've decided to find out what that is.

Buckle up folks, this is going to be interesting.


1 comment:

Stephen said...

Hi, Brandon -- I really appreciated your posting this; I found it very relevant to some stuff I've been working through recently regarding my own writing.

It inspired this post on my blog.

Thanks again!