Updated Every Monday, Wednesday and Friday

Sunday, July 27, 2008

The Calm Before...

It's 12:30am and I'm doing my last check of things - less than 12 hours now until my interview.

Shirt's cleaned and ironed, pants as well. Got a host of ties to choose from - even spent an hour or so today learning how to tie them, apparently there's a whole shit-load of knots to choose from. Big knots for long necks, small knots for short necks, crazy, square knots - really, who put that kinda time into figuring this stuff out? Turns out I'm much better at putting the whole thing together on my own rather than looking in a mirror. Hell, I can barely tell East from West let alone Right from Left in a mirror with a strap of fabric looped around my head.

Moving on.

There's been an overwhelming show of support from my friends and family and fellow newbies (and not so newbies) and I wanna thank you all for the well-wishes (and thanks to Patrick for his well-timed letter).

Everything that can be done is done, every move that can be made is made.

Right now things are placid, a lake of glass stretching across the fibres of my mind - though I can feel the current thrashing beneath that crystal sheen.

Let's just say that the emotions are on hold if not necessarily 'gone'.

I don't know how things will play out today but I know that I'm going in there as me, with everything I've got and one hell of an honest smile. There's really no way to prepare other than to know myself and who I am and what I've done. There are no questions that I don't know the answers to, they're all up here (somewhere). Today is my chance to prove that I'm worth the go, that I've got something worth contributing. And if I can sit in that room and make them see even one-tenth of my passion and desire for this, well, then... maybe.

All I know is that, whatever the outcome, whatever the answer, I'm gonna be right here. One way or the other, I'm gonna make it and I'm gonna do it here. In my own country, in the place that has raised me and nurtured me and made me the man that I am.

I bring this up because there've been 'whispers', you know? That "hey, if you don't make it here you can always head South" idea. I won't say who's been doing the whispering only that it struck a chord with me and not really in a good way.

You see, I've never believed in the idea that you should have to go to some other country in order to find your fortune; that you should have to be awarded by someone else before you're deserving of recognition amongst your own. In the last few years, as I've really started to understand what I want to do with the rest of my life, I've been lucky enough to meet a great number of amazing people. Not just writers but from all walks of life, people who work hard and believe in what they do and are proud of where they come from.

And every single one of you has helped and inspired me in some way.

You are my country. You are why I would never want to leave.

Yes, it's a smaller world here, it's a harder world here but it's ours and it's worth the fight. Even after C-10, even after the CTF bullshit, even after whatever comes next - this is worth it.

Every time.

Thank you all, (be back soon)

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