Updated Every Monday, Wednesday and Friday

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Killin' Time - (The phones, they are a-ringin'...)

Not mine, yet (unfortunately)...

But the word has gone out that at least one person has gotten the ol' CFC nod. A hearty congrats to Peter (who I inadvertently almost drowned in a can of Coke yesterday! Sorry 'bout that ;).

1 down, 7 to go.

I didn't realize the calls would be going out so soon, but hey, that's how it rolls. For now I've got my cell phone's volume cranked and firmly by my side while trying to keep my nerve together. Any time now, right?

A part of me is terrified - and it's the one part of me that shouldn't be. The logical part. The laid-back, artistic half of my brain is still off fishing by the lake, sipping sangria and swatting flies. The logical side, well, it's not pretty. The logical side of me is the graying-temples, pipe-smoking, tweed-jacket guy.

And usually he's sitting back in a soft leather chair and thumbing through the dusty tomes of my memory.

But right now... there's a smashed kerosene lamp...

and... I think... the chair's on fire...

aaaand he's just gone streaking past my hypothalamus covered in ketchup and war-paint.

I hope that's ketchup. (Hrmm... what am I having for lunch...?)

Okay, take a second. What has him all riled up? What the hell is bubbling in that ol' left hemisphere of mine?

Wait a sec, he's screaming something, babbling... hard to make out...

"If you've only got 8 calls to make, why spread them out? Why not make them all at once?"

He stares at me with wide, wild eyes. Head cocked at an impossible angle.

"Unless they already did. And you weren't one of them..."

He cackles and sprints down the hall, booting open the door marked 'Storage' and diving in head first.

Uhhh... yeah. I hate it when this happens.

Before we go any further, I feel like I should explain. My logical side you see, well, between you and me, he's a bit of a wuss.

Great at parties and Star Trek conventions -- and that whole 'common sense' thing's been a blessing in disguise ever since I tried to lick a wall-socket back in the 80s -- but sometimes he gets into the sauce and... well, that's why I keep this handy tranq gun under mental lock and key.

Anyways, best not to let him get too far ahead.

Into the doorway now, scanning past the rows of rusty bike chains and sawed-in-half G.I. Joe figures (don't ask).

Wait.

Shhhh...

If you look just off to the right and all the way at the back, you can see him peeking out from behind my collection of Thundercat's quotes. He's a tricky one, that logic, but the wind's good, should be a text-book shot. Hunker in. Take my time.

Fuck.

Fuck.

Fuck.

Wily-Kit and Wily-Kat are down. Snarf too.

Say what you want about 'im but that skinny lil' logical bastard can run like the wind.

And he's out the window. Man, he took that fall like a champ.

He's up and headin' out across the drawbridge. Dammit.

Okay, new plan.

Me an' Teddy Ruxpin are gonna hop in the Warthog (I'm gunner, of course), you guys take Herbie the Lovebug and see if you can head'm off at the pre-frontal cortex - stay ON the path, do not venture into the Porno woods!

God help the last one we lost in there...

Across the drawbridge now, out in the open and off into the green. We're bootin' it through the Veldt - can't see a damn thing. Grass's damn near over my head. Sun's beatin' down like sledge... movement off to my right, swing around the cannon, trigger at the ready.

Nevermind, it's just Terra, Gau and Locke (Final Fantasy 6... haven't played that in ages...).

Wait a minute. Something's... they're pointing...

A Growl?

Oh shit! Oh shit! Ambush!

Where'd he come from??

He's on Ruxpin! Fuck! He's biting! ...?

Get offa him you salt-n-pepper-haired, smarmy mothafucka!

Dammit, DAMMIT! Gun's jammed!

I slam the butt of it home, caught'm good. He's... he's down.

Tie'm up, check a pulse - still breathing... Good. A lobotomy's the last thing I need right now.

Teddy's hurt... it's deep but he'll live... I hope... fuck, there's blood and stuffing everywhere.

I pack him back in as best I can and head back to Castle Greyskull.

I'm gettin' too old for this shit...

Cheers,
Brandon

2 comments:

Marilyn C said...

Thundercats reference = awesome.

Elize said...

Truthfully... I was pretty much at that point myself yesterday.

I got a call today, though, so they aren't doing them all at once.