Updated Every Monday, Wednesday and Friday

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Tick Tock, Noon o'clock

Things you can do while waiting for a life-changing decision:

1. Scratch self
2. Hum
3. Clean teeth - toothpick optional
4. Tap theme song to Ducktales
5. Count speckles of... stuff... on monitor.
6. Clean monitor
7. Make a horrible mess and drown keyboard
8. Blowdry keyboard, hang to dry
9. Salvage old, clicky keyboard
10. Call family
11. Call friends
12. Explain situation leading-up to life-changing decision so many times to so many different people that it loses all meaning.
13. Sleep (or not)
14. Dream about French Fries conquering the Isle o' Cheeseburger in a bloody coup d'etat.
15. Wake up with an unidentifiable flavor in mouth
16. Brush teeth - Find remnant's of isle o'cheeseburger, remember to floss next time.
17. Shower
18. Drop soap, don't care.
19. Shave
20. Cut self - deep.
21. Apply hot compress, apply pressure.
22. Count to 60. Check. Still bleeding.
23-28. Repeat steps 21&22
29. Dry off
30. Check eyes, no red veins (for once...)
31. Get dressed, mistake horribly ripe sock for clean sock - let hilarity ensue.
32. Realize laundry day has been put off for far too long.
33. Realize work started 10 mins ago
34. Grab fruit-type object (peach?...)
35. Rush out door.
36. Forget cellphone.
37. Run back, miss elevator.
38. Wait for elevator.
39. Step in, realize elevator's not there.
40. Fall 23 floors.
41. Awake in a strange land of purple skies and jellyfish gnomes.
42. Fall in love with the scorpion princess.
43. Lead jellyfish gnomes and scorpionites in last ditch battle against the horrific Mylar race.
44. Have dramatic clifftop battle in thunderstorm with half-melted Mylar King
45. Say pithy things - dodge lightning bolts using ancient/secret Jellyfish gnome martial art.
46. Slay Mylar King to thunderous cheers from the oppressed.
47. Reveal traitorous best friend/mentor
48. Exile traitorous bastard to the smouldering Velour hills.
49. Embrace princess, now Queen Scorpina
50. Get stung.
51. Awake in daze.
52. 47 New Emails await.
53. No calls missed.
54. Sigh.
55. Return to work.

1 comment:

Peter said...

Damn! You made me laugh so hard I almost choked to death on my coke.

Hopefully you'll be hearing something soon...