Updated Every Monday, Wednesday and Friday

Monday, August 18, 2008

You Can't Screw That On Television!

Oh how far we've come.

Just think folks, less than a year ago some of the top writers in Canada put on their shit-kickers and marched up to Hull to have a tête-à-tête with the CRTC.

Their goal?

To save the Canadian Film and TV industry from those who would carve up public funding for private interests. (Sound familiar? Yes folks, before Bill C-10, there was the CTF Taskforce).

They stood and they argued, were eloquent and vivacious. They made sense and spoke with passion. And in the end the CRTC went 'meh'.

If only we knew then what we know now:

What they should've done was show up naked.

THEN they'd be representing the interests of the masses in this country (while boosting the ratings of CPAC, natch!).

See, TV is nice and all - Drama? Great stuff. But anyone who's anyone knows that the real money is in the people who're paying $8 pop to watch people knock boots on their TV screen.

And that's all well and good and all - you know, if you're a broadcaster getting a pretty nice cut - however, as our own 'real' (yeah, I squirmed too) TV and Film Industy crumbles around us, I find myself asking: do we really need another Pay-Per-View (Canadian-Branded, no less) pornography channel?

My answer is No - but probably not for the reasons you're thinking.

I'm sorry - and I know this is going to piss off a whole lot of enterprising young pornographers - but there is no more current definition of the word 'sucker' than "he/she who pays for Porn in the Internet Age" (yes CRTC, women like porn too! *gasp*).

Gawd, I can remember being a kid and seeing the first hint of a boob on the cover of my friend's dad's Playboy. Now, I have to make sure to educate my mom on how to surf the web without stumbling across a barely-legal gangbang.

Forget about protecting the kids, there is no moment more terrifying than watching your mother do a web search and find herself deep in 'dark' territory. Where, before you can interject, she accidently clicks on 'that' popup.

You know the one.

The one that brings... other... pop ups.

I'm pretty lucky, my mom's really chill about that kind of stuff but I'm sure you've all heard a tale or two.

And that's what doesn't make sense.

Porn is everywhere on the web. It's like a grimier, muskier, digital oxygen.

So, why the hell are you paying for it?

Seriously, go to Google, turn off Safe-search and do an image search for 'Snow White' or something innocuous like 'giggle'.

We're not even trying to get into the 'bad' words yet -- and that's just images, not even the scads of free video you can find online. People who post their stuff up, getting off on the idea that there's other people getting off to them.

Forget pirating, there are people out there giving it away by the handful like those shitty little candies you get on Halloween.

Sure, it's amateur - you're not getting the same quality writing as the Pro videos; the urbane, witty banter meant to lead you from beach house to poolside - but you know, it seems like lots of people are making do (on a cursory search I found a few hundred youtube-like sites for porn).

Apparently 'making do' isn't enough for our connoisseurs up here.

What this new channel says to me - and what I find somewhat frustrating - is that there's not only a market for this stuff, it's growing. Growing while the rest of the market dries up around it.

Well, that and there's a whole lot o' suckers up North of the 49th Parallel.

You know, now that we've got a hint on how to get their attention, maybe it's time for us to re-visit a few issues with the CRTC.

And, as we march up them stairs, maybe our Banners won't be the only things flapping in the breeze.

Cheers,
Brandon

1 comment:

Rich Baldwin said...

There's always a market for sex. Somebody's always lazy enough to pay for it; a sucker born every minute.

The real problem is that the Canadian government thinks it's better to spend money on porn - which is so commercial that it often survives government bans and certainly needs no government aid. While they cut funds that go towards ventures that could not be marketed or distributed effectively in Canada without their help.

They do it because money makes money, but social welfare programs are created specifically to fight that trend.