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Monday, April 04, 2011

Bare Knuckle Politics

I want to see spittle form at the corners of your mouth.

An eye twitch.

Maybe a clenched fist.

I'm in the tiny minority of Canadians who want their politicians to actually be passionate about the words they're preaching.

Yes, I'm a rare bird.

I understand that.

I also understand that that's just the way Canadian politics is.

Understated. Demure. Professional.

Politicians don't go around getting shirty with one other -- unless its behind the closed doors of CPAC ('cause you know nobody's watching... right?) -- and certainly not out on the election trail with precious votes hanging in the balance.

I don't know why it's so important to me... why I'm so desperate to see a real leader out on the field.

Maybe it's a side effect of being inundated by the endless drama of American Politics. (Thank you Canadian Broadcast Media!)

Maybe I've just seen one too many 'Change' posters to take Ignatieff's "Party of Fear/Party Of Hope" argument seriously.

Or maybe... maybe I'm sick and tired of having no choice but to select between these milquetoast 'leaders' that are constantly being put in front of me.

Forced to watch helplessly as, one after another, the next 'whatshisname' ('cause it's never a woman?!) shuffle onto the stage and mumble something about Change, or Anti-Americanism or Tax Cuts.

One after another I see them come and go, watching as my fellow Canadians sigh and roll in their beds; throwing up their half-conscious middle fingers at a system they should -- taking measure of the rest of the world's attitude -- be chomping at the bit to be a part of.

So here's my platform:

If you vote me to be your next Prime Minister, I will change the vote in a simple but profound way. On each and every ballot, from now on, until the end of... time (?) you will have the following choice:


I think I'd probably end up being another 3 Month Prime Minister (Je suis désolé mais my French just isn't what it used to be...) but I hope that I'd do my bit to get folks off their asses and participating in the system.

'Cause, really, what good is a system that you -- as a law-abiding, tax-paying citizen -- have no say in tearing down? If you can't have a say in sending everyone back off the ice, if you can't kick the kids off your lawn... then why the hell even bother getting involved?

Canadian Politics needs fresh blood. And I don't mean more 'yes Mr. Speaker, no Mr. Speaker'. I mean a good ol' fashioned broken nose.

Canadian Politics needs to be jersey'd, shoved up against the boards and fed rib-shots until it cries out and drops to the ice.

'Cause, frankly, none of the party leaders that I've seen (and I've been doing my best to watch their 'campaigns' unfold) deserve my vote. None of them have shown an ounce of passion or heart -- for my country or the 'issues' they claim to care about.

So... screw you. Shit or get off the pot.

Get out of the way for those that do care, who believe what their selling.

Hell, even if I didn't agree with them at least I could respect that.

And if worst comes to worst, write my name in... maybe I can get you the option before I'm swept out of office in a scandal.


P.S: Yes, I know that you don't actually get to vote for 'Prime Minister' (HA!) but hey, maybe you can vote for me to be a small local MPP who, after years of swimming the right political streams, shaking the right political hands, etc. gets close enough to the nomination to get nominated as the leader of a specific political party which then, might, possibly be elected in the Federal election, putting me into the Prime Minister's seat until the party I represent decides they've had enough of me and selects someone else to be Prime Minister.

(Though with my views of Canadian politics being what they are, I'd probably spend a quiet, sobering term as a backbencher -- spending long, painful weekends locked in the office with the party Whip -- before being slaughtered in the next election by someone with far more money/contacts/etc.)

But hey... one can dream. Right?

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